My sister, Roz, sends me stupid little links all the time. They're usually to weird sites where I have to go find brain bleach after I open them, but sometimes it's crazy little news pieces.
Yesterday, she sends me one about someone who covered up a BBQ too soon - it was still hot - and they burned down their house. Or something. I didn't read it. Why? I saw the headline 'BBQ covered too soon' and her comment in the subject line: Something we'll never have to worry about with you. Yeah, I never cover the BBQ. So shoot me. Little Miss Perfect does. And we share a cottage. So, I hear about not covering the BBQ.
Let's play a game: Only one of the following headlines could possibly be about me. Can you guess?
Housewife Overcome by Cleaning Fumes
Burlington Rose Garden Award Goes To Local Woman
Coveted Michelin Star Won By Canadian
Tantalizing Recipe Uses Grass Clippings
New Jogging Club to Meet at 7:00 Each Morning
"Food is More Important Than Shoes," Says Woman
Two Burlington Teens on Mother of the Year Award : "We knew she'd win; that's why we nominated her"
Downtown Woman Busted for Operating Still in Backyard
Is there a prize? You do realize that it is quite conceivable that more than one of these, dependent upon the medication intake by the reader, could well apply to you?
ReplyDeleteAgain, the safe answer would be -- none of the above; not enough information to definitively respond.
But then again, is there a prize? Rhubarb, perhaps?
Too funny!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you have a shoe problem or a drinking problem so I can't say which one might be you but I'll make a choice if it means more rhubarb!
The only shoe problem could be not enough.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Same for drinking problem.
And yeah - rhubarb to the winner.
Rhubarb + still = tasty liquor, also useful for removing that waxy buildup on the kitchen floor.
ReplyDeleteRoz and I were talking kitchen floors this morning.
ReplyDeleteShe was bemoaning the fact she had to use more than a Swiffer on hers. I told her I had to use sandpaper on mine.
Ah, but that would infer that a person cared about the floor.
ReplyDeleteNo point wasting good rhubarb on something as nasty as cleaning. Keep the ingredients for the important things!
My vote is for the still.
I came across some vinyl, wood and tile floor cleaner fluids in a fancy box with sqeeze trigger, sponges etc. On the side, it said it was banned in most West European nations. That means it's really good. I can send some if you like.
ReplyDeleteIt was pretty hard to figure which one it was until I got to the last line. The only reason it's not likely to be you is that you're too smart to put it in your back yard. Some people get busted for running a grow-op. Your still would take up the entire basement and require its own nukular reactor to power it.
ReplyDeleteParty at Lorraine's.
I know it's the last one. (because I know you)
ReplyDeleteLittle Miss Perfect
(I like that name)
I must admit I'm surprised that Little Miss Perfect didn't just tell everyone how I wash my kitchen floor: by spraying Fantastik on my socks.
ReplyDeleteI dust under the sofa by spraying Endust on the cats.
ReplyDeleteConfusion; is Little Miss Perfect Lorrain or Roz??
ReplyDeleteThough I'm sure she'll be along shortly to tell you, I'm here now: Roz is Little Miss Perfect.
ReplyDeleteJust ask her.
I on the other hand, am a literal, physical, psychic mess.
May I have some rhubarb just for making a half-assed effort?
ReplyDeleteThere is a rumour making the rounds that you won, by default, the Bridgestone-retread Star. True?
ReplyDeleteI won what? Huh?
ReplyDeleteThe Fantastik on the socks is brilliant! Kills two birds with one spray....the floor and the socks!
ReplyDeleteYup. Housekeeping tips from Lorraine.
ReplyDeleteThat thud was Roz hitting the floor.
Michelin... Bridgestone...
ReplyDeleteIt's no fun if it has tp be 'splained...
Please bring David back. You make waaaay more sense when you are David.
ReplyDeleteLMP
Thanks, Roz.
ReplyDeleteAs you well know, there are times when an alter ego comes in handy...
Like now.
Lets see...
ReplyDeleteWhilst jogging out to the back yard at 7 am to check on the still in the rose garden (happy roses), you got grass clippings on your new shoes. Not wanting to waste anything, you decided to brush the clippings off to use in your dandelion salad, which received a twinkle in the Michelin Guide. When cleaning the subsequent stains off said footwear, you were overcome by Mr. Clean.
The teens quoted are obviously talking about your sister.
Incidentally. BBQ covers are made for weinies who never actually use the things. Those of us who rassle alligators, strangle anacondas, and catch stray bullets with our teeth, don't need no steenkin' covers.
ReplyDeleteoh ya, you 'da man!
ReplyDeleteRoz